Adaptive Stress Management

Hi there, I’ve been a bit quiet over the past couple of months, and I wanted to open up about why. In March, my dad was diagnosed with a very serious and life-threatening illness. Even today, he’s still in the hospital in critical condition.

So, my daily schedule looks like long hospital visits, life admin, emotional meltdowns and tough decisions. Everything else paused. I realised that survival mode eats inspiration and creativity for breakfast. I wrote a Linkedin post about it last week.

But one place I do find inspiration from, is my own resilience and confidence to ask for what I need. Tactics I’ve been training on for years and came in very handy during this time. This is what this newsletter chapter is about… and some of the next ones to follow.

I’m about to share my best kept secret on resilience.

I’ve used it during burnout, anxiety, phobias, and now during one of the toughest periods of my life. It’s a simple tool from cognitive behavioural therapy.

This is my go-to tool on how I control my mind when it goes into a rabbit hole of anxious worst case scenario thoughts. You’re welcome!

It works best out loud (yes, really, say it out loud like you're talking to a friend):

That’s it.

If the answer to #1 is no — drop the thought. Park it. It doesn’t belong in this moment.

If the answer to #1 is yes, but to #2 is no — find a way to calm your mind. Meditation, going to the gym, speaking to a friend, doing the hobby you love. Distraction and serotonin is what you need in this moment.

If the answer to both #1 and #2 is yes — take action. Find a solution and do it. No more procrastination and choice paralysis. Visualise yourself winning into this.

Back in 2022, when I was in my anxiety peak and burnout period, I had developed a fear of flying. I never had that fear before. I don’t have it anymore. But it was very present back then.

I remember that in September of 2022 I had booked a long-haul flight to Mexico for February the next year. My brain was going into spiral for months: What if I get an anxiety attack mid-flight? I’ll feel claustrophobic. What if something happens?

Each time I had these thoughts, I was asking myself out loud:
– Is the problem present now? No.
– Drop it.
Over and over again, like your weight reps at the gym to build muscle.

As the flight got closer:
– Is the problem present now? Yes.
– Can I do something about it? Yes.
– I planned. Meditation practice, bought calming pills and melatonin.

It worked. I flew with no problems. None of my fearful thoughts actually happened. I had saved so much energy and benefited from a calmer nervous system on the flight.

It’s not a magic fix. But it gives you agency and control.

Many people I coach 1:1 are very stressed ahead of a public speaking event or speaking up in a senior leadership meeting. This method also works miracles every time.

Let’s say you have a thought of mumbling in a speaking event, forgetting your words, getting a rejection from your boss… [insert your fearful thoughts here].
– Is the problem present now? No.
– Drop it.
No surprises here.

Or, for my control freak friends out there, the plot twist:
– Is the problem present now? No.
– Can I do something about it? Yes.
– Prepare. Get a public speaking coach, and/or a confidence coach, write your speech, re-write it over and over again, go and see the event space to build familiarity and many other things you can do to be ready for the day and minimise the stressors.

There are always things you can do to prepare for your worst case scenario, and hopefully avoid it altogether. So, stop wasting your time in thoughts, and start doing.

I’ve used this same tool while everything has been going on with my dad. Especially when real fear creeps in: “Will I lose him?”.

– Is the problem present now? No. He’s here.

Majority of our every day anxious thoughts or fears fall into this #1 bucket. Most of the times our fearful thoughts never become a reality when the time comes (like the plane or work examples above). But even the times that the fear WILL become true soon enough, it’s not actually here yet.

Yet, the amount of mental power wasted and the harm from stress done in our bodies is irreversible. Why (re-)live something that hasn’t even happened yet?

Life is short. Let’s live more of the good REAL times that are present, not the IMAGINARY hard ones before they even become reality.

Try this tool next time an anxious thought or worst case scenario creeps in. Even if you have to say it out loud 20 times a day like a weirdo. Trust me, it will do the job.

As always, I’m keen to hear your reflections from trying it, so drop me a note please. Thank you for reading all the way through!

Stay curious. Stay adaptive.
But above all, stay healthy!

Angeliki x